Regrets.

Something happened yesterday.
Something i've never experienced before. Don't freak out mum and dad i'm alright, really it's not that bad. . .

Yesterday I tried the HOTTEST chili paste in my mouth. I mean it. . . all in the name of respect, honor and street cred
( which innit of itself (*did i spell that right?... can i put brackets in brackets . . . ) is the most valuable thing you can attach to your name really . . . accept maybe Dr.)
*** Those of you who dont know what "street Cred" is - let me illuminate you. Street cred or Street Credibility is like an instant cool, like once you say you've done it - whatever it is, you're instantly legit (legitimate - think legitimately coool) with me?

here's how it went down:

Im working with the owner of the place and two girls who are more senior than me. I = newbie and as such eager to make a good name for myself at work. soooo here it goes:

Owner: Hey Kate, you like chilies?
Me: No, not really.
Owner: Wanna take the chili challenge?
Me: . . .
G1: dont. do. it.
G2: do it.
G1: dont do it. I'd never do it. its stupid.
G2: I did it and ill be honest it was the worst thing i've ever tasted.
Me: what do i get if i do it skeptical
Owner: respect.
Me: yeah ill do it.

And he hands me this spoon. just a small unassuming plastic spoon, no different than one you'd find at any coffee shop (or sconewitch) with a a shallow little bowl on the end. a spoon whose sole purpose was to be used as a paddle in a coffee for 3 seconds. . . just a tiny plastic spoon.

not today.
not this spoon.
OH NO, this little spoon held a drop on it. no bigger than the size of any standard opening to a mustard twist-top top. the liquid was a dark red, dark dark red and slightly brown.

Relief at the size of the drop was instantly replaced with fear as; with all things in life, the smaller means the deadlier the serum.
I tentatively raised the spoon to my mouth -
- Dont! dont let it touch your lips. trust me.
Tongue out. one lick, two licks to get it all.
pause
heat
HoT
TiNgLe
FIRE
F I R E
F.I.R.E!
PANIC
PAIN
at this point my face has turned the colour of gazpacho and tears are starting to roll down my cheeks
DizZy
hands in the ice bucket and into my mouth
stomping on floor
DizZy
Chugging of Milk
more ice
more milk
DizZy
Heavy breathing followed by my three companions Milk, Ice and of course - DizZy.
Sitting in the cold fridge at work with a 700 ML glass of whole milk and a handful of ice.
. . .
I eventually start seeing straight again and I weakly stand up to go to the bathroom and blow my nose . . . and maybe check my pants 0_o

I walked back into work and everyone sympathetically 'oooh'ed and 'oooooouu'ed.
it took about half an hour to calm down and every time i burped, a small fire goblin blew fire up my lungs and ribs and filled my belly again.
the rest of the afternoon i was plagued with a wierdo pain under the bottom few of the ribs on my left side. . . on the way home ( about 10 minutes) i had to stop and sit down and then kept walking. Then stop. Book it into a public bathroom to unleash the fire goblin in my belly into the toilet via my mouth. oh and the milk. I know im sorry that is really gross but that's what happened.
I went home and continued having the most intense and crazy pains in my upper stomach / lower ribs i've ever had, Luckily that man of mine is so smart and expertly insisted that I drink a lot of water. a lot. after an hour or so of the spasms, they stopped. nothing since.

now in retrospect I laugh but holy sweet mama that hurt.

It burned.
I puked.
Street cred acquired.
I Can Laugh now.
worth it.