Cupcakes for dinner - the life of a baker

Bakers Blog :

its nearly 8 pm.

im cuddled in bed.

Barely willing myself to stay up for another hour to get up at 2:45 am for work.

got my first 'bakers burn' today ; its a burn typically across the inner forearm of most bakers. hot Pans, ovens you know, the usual.

this morning this little birdie was kicked out of the nest of "shadowing someone" and into the terrifying world of "you do the morning bake and we watch and give help where needed"

scared. nervous. anxious and tightly wound.

goGo gO GO!!!

thinking thinking thinking

tripping over my words and darting around haphazardly like a misguided pinball.

lights fan oven proofer change croissant trays proofer cookies scones butter tarts muffins bean rolls turn overs croissants egg wash here maple honey oats oats OaTs!!!!

upstairs downstairs up down up down dishes mixes lifting lifting lifting.

are you okay?

huh? me? oh im fine *____* blink blink

i came home and sat down. that was basically it.

I try to quelle the anxiety and nervousness eating at my insides. telling myself tht I can do this. its a learning curve. it will get easier. . .

besides my lunch money from work which consisted of me eating cookies an coffee, tonight i crammed a mini rosewater cupcake into my mouth with a bottle of water (*not milk this late, it gives me weird dreams. . . i dont know whats funnier; the fact that i wont have milk because im conserned about dreams orrrrr the fact that 8 is now 'late'. . . )

cant do it. count it. im tapin out. 8:15 and call it. this little lady is off to lala land.

prayin to whom ever is out there - courage and victory tomorrow. thanks a bunch.

also nooot gonnna spell check this one so enjoy

The Way Saturday Morning Should be *

Ahhh to be jobless.

I am currently lying in bed listening to music and making plans with friends to grab a bite soon.

*BlisS*

When a door closes, you move to the windowsill to smell the

pie coolin there. right? wait. . .

well great news! During my short stint in hell, fate brought a lil Gem to me. A friend. a wonderful girl who I am proud to say has also left Hell and now we Limbo through life together.

Dare I say business partners? - yes.

We've been doing a little independent baking and have a lot of great ideas.

stay tuned. - ill write more definitively on that when I myself know.

So cat's outta the bag. I'm job-less. well call it Funemployed. To be honest - I am so relieved and couldn't be happier. That place was so lacking "art". . .

Well put it this way - I was Milk in a fridge. beautiful fresh milk. do you know how much you can do with fresh milk?! almost ANYTHING! be thats besides the point.

I was Milk and that owner was lemon juice. Bitter. SoUr. unpleasing to mostly every palate.

once we collided more and more. . . I started to Curdle.

"Hey Boss - I know a guy who works for a shelter down town and he would be more than happy to come by and pick up the loaves you throw out at the end of the day to feed the shelter" - one of our dishwashers to boss man about the BAGS and BAGS of perfectly good bread that they THROW OUT every night.

no.

I Churn.

"I cant understand why you can't do this? This isn't Rocket science."

- boss to me

I Curdle. . .

"Are you even Educated? - Like seriously are you even trying to educate yourself?!"

- Boss to me

I'm Buttermilk.

Now lemon juice and milk can work together. buttermilk. Buttermilk is a secret key ingredients in alot of things, a lot of breads and scones!

Ripples started to form when I starting standing up for myself. questioning why I work a 50 hr work week and only get paid for 40. Why even though I work those hours, I don't get paid sick days. . . Not letting him say rude things to me and walk away.

Upon finding that I had turned to buttermilk, they let me go.

Which was fantastic because I wasn't sure if i should just starting stinking up the joint or grow little green fuzz. . .