Kayteamai and the failed pastry cream.

I certainly do NOT have a job but if I did, this is how a day in the life might go -

I look gross. Actually gross might be an understatement. I probably look somethin like what I imagine a modern witch would look like. A mix between ms theron's charcter in 'monster' and well a literal monster. A drunk monster. I for one am not drunk but having been up since 4am, hair (still at 1 pm) looking like I lost a fight with the 80's and in an oversized burgundy flannel shirt, were lookin prrrettttty scary.

I would be staring at the recipe for pastry cream. Understanding it but just so. Not. In. The. Mood.
To all my loving non- food savy friends, pastry cream is a cream used in (hold your breath) -pastry ( tadah!) things like the insides of eclairs or réligieuse and some cakes. Well the basic premise would be to make a boiling cream mixture on the stove, temper some egg yolks in, make the whole batch adjusted, smooth it , cool it onto a sheet pan, scrap it into bowls for later use and voila. Pastry cream.

In theory that is.
If I had a job I might have theoretically gotten frustrated with the one of the Mexican compadres of mine that I definitely don't work with, when I asked him where the large strainer was that he was just using and he would respond with that confused old man look and continue to insesively whistle what sounded like Olivia Newton-John's hit song 'physical' ...
I would have frustratedly scuffled over to the sugar bin and borrowed the one from there as a meager replacement.

Having grossly over-estimated the amount the recipe made, I would likely curse silently to myself while I watched the giant pot struggle to keep up with the gallon + of milk inside if it.
The strainer would have hard time dealing with a half pot of noodles.
Fig newtons this is gonna suck.

Awkwardly I would try and hold the baby strainer as I would pour the eggs and yolks and jazz into the pot to be tempered. ( in retrospect, maybe adding hot cream to the eggs then RE adding them would prove better, faster and less horrible outcomes... I digress)
Only having two hands and a virtually useless baby strainer that I cannot balance on the pot, I would have poured as much eggy mixture into the cream as I dare before violently flinging them aside and whisking like a loon at the bubbling mass infront of me. Worried and anxious as to how the end results would look, I emptied the contents of the eggys into the big belly pot.
I would have whisked and whisked and whisked some more while sweating, fretting and furthering my reputation as a witch as I muttered to my bubbling cauldron of goo.
Though pleased with it's increasing thickness, I would have been doubly discouraged by it's... Um ... Chunkiness...
Friends, what happens when eggs are added to Anything hot and shaken up? Yes scrambles eggs.
I know. *sigh* good thing this story is hypothetical...
With a heavy heart I would empty the contents of my cauldron onto two sheet trays mark them with hearts and let them cool. Though useable, absolutely unsatisfactory. If I had a job anyways.